Rays have been shining through the blinds, temporarily taking away any sight. My body has been wedged into a corner, barely breathing on account of space. I've been sitting here for a good portion of the morning. In case you were wondering, those stains on my cheeks are mascara from the day before. It's been smearing because of tears, which aren't unusual these days. The cracks toward the window let light filter across my face, streaks of gold on porcelain skin. You can call me a coward, but I'm stronger than that. You can call it running away, but it's so much more than that. It's leaving my fears behind. It's understanding the feeling of being new. It's called finding independence. You could consider it escape. Never tell me that I'm retreating. I've been retreating for years now, but now I'm beginning to realize the real way to get away. Struggle comes right along with it, but I'm ready to face it. I'm ready to fight to the end to have what I deserve. I deserve to have control over myself, to be my own person and make decisions on my own. More sunlight caresses the tears gently glistening downward toward my neck. Fifteen minutes have gone by and still I'm here. Waiting. Wondering. Watching the sunlight. Listening intently to God. You can call it abandonment, but I call it freedom. You can call it deceitful, but I see it as inspiration. I am going through with all of this conflict for myself. I am breaking apart to grow stronger. I am letting go to let the people that matter in. I am releasing the thoughts of him to know myself better. Never tell me that I'm retreating. It's so much more than that. I will no longer cower in a corner to escape abuse. I will no longer be reprimanded for following my heart. I will no longer pay harshly for my mistakes. I'm still sitting, still listening. The sunlight runs across my neck, and God whispers softly into my ear. He's confirmed that this is what I have to do.